Friday, May 2, 2008
The call of God
For some time now I have been struggling with something, what it is I did not know I started to fall away from worldly things more and more my video games and my paint ball stuff didn't mean as much to me and I didn't know why. I was fighting a calling. But a calling to what. Then I thought that I had it, I was supposed to use my knowledge of computers and the internet to help churches reach people over the internet. That sounds good I can sit and do geeky things on the computer and still follow Gods call. But still I feel more of a calling to something is it to preach? To be a missionary to actual flesh and blood people? People that I would have to come in contact with and talk to person to person? That cant be it I cant do that I am afraid to even talk to people I know let alone witness to the lost of this world. But this verse in the bible keeps popping into my head Philippians 4:13 "I can do all things through Christ which strengtheneth me."(KJV) and I know that I am able to preach Gods word if that is what he would have me to do. I request all your prayers on this matter I will need them. If anyone has any advice or would just like to share their calling with me please submit a comment to this post. Thank you.
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Thomas,
I can tell you that I spent many years wrestling with God and not wanting to give in to His leading. I made every excuse in the book and to tell the truth they were not just excuses. I had not lived a life that in anyway could be used by God. However, I was not content with just going to church and serving in various ministries. I thought I must be delusional I did not have anything to give God that I was not ashamed to offer; all I knew was that I needed more.
God put me in a place where I found myself writing a short devotional for the weekly bulletin. I found myself having to think more and more about God’s word. I could not get enough and all I wanted to do was to tell others about what I was discovering. This lead to being in charge of the prayer ministry at our church. You cannot lead others in prayer unless you are actively seeking Him yourself. It was a very uplifting time for me as I began to know the God I worshiped because I was talking to Him on a daily basis.
This was followed by working on the Baptismal committee. I was not alone mind you as Deborah my wife was always willing and interested in seeing me become more involved at church. You see you will learn to be a better husband, a better father, and a better man when you walk with God.
An older couple was scheduled to be baptized and God was bearing down hard on my heart for several weeks before the service. I spent many an hour just talking with Him and hating what I was instead of what I knew He wanted me to be. But, that is where God wanted me.
The evening of the service, I ended up on the front pew. You have to understand that I would have, at that time in my life, rather have been buried alive than be in front of a group of people let alone the entire church. It did not matter that all I was doing was sitting there.
Finally, the sermon was over and the invitation was in full swing. I do not remember the sermon I was too busy talking to God that evening. I felt so convicted and my heart was pounding like a big base drum. I was sure everyone near the pew I was sitting on could hear. I thought I just have to make it through the invitation.
I was perspiring to beat the band and my heart struck up another course of thundering heart beats, so it seamed. It was then that I found out why God put me on the front pew. I had been under conviction before and if I got my hands on the pew in front of me I could just about keep my feet from running out from under me, but this time there was no pew to grab onto.
I started bargaining with God and I told Him that if He wanted me to preach He would have to tell me through Deborah, my wife, as she would have to feel as convicted as I did for me to server. I wanted this confirmation so that I would know that it was not just me but our Lord.
As I prayed this, I was not aware of anything else it was as if time stood still. I truly felt like I was talking with God and that He was right there in front of me. I reached out for my wife, at least where I thought she was, my heart skipped a beat. I could not believe my eyes as I looked up and there by the alter knelt my wife. My eyes truly were filled with tears as I rushed up to be with her. I told the pastor that whatever God wanted me to do, I was willing, and that I thought He was calling me into the ministry, two weeks later I gave my first sermon.
What am I saying here, first I was discontent, then I sought to know God through His word, then I spent time talking with Him, then He reassured me trough those around me. I asked that if truly after all this it was His will that I preach even for this one sermon that one person would be moved just as I was a few weeks before.
One person came forward that day followed by half the church praying and praising God. Little did I know that a young man who had fallen away from the church was there that night. His family and all those who had seen him grow up in the church had been praying for him to return home.
Maybe God will answer you in a tangible way like this and maybe you will have to wait to see how He is using you. I do believe that He will give you confirmation that He is calling you.
I am sure that there are many who can and will tell you what God wants for you. However, I think that you do not need any one to tell you. You have asked is this what God wants for me. Where did that question come from? Was it as you said because the things that brought you comfort and entertained you failed to give you peace? You said that you thought it might be in helping the church but that was not enough to give you peace either.
I suspect that if you are feeling Gods hand on your shoulder nothing will ever feel right until you give in to His leading. Take His hand and trust that He will take you where He wants you to go and where you need to be. If you preach once or a thousand times, if you work a regular job the rest of your life being Christ to others, it does not matter as long as you give it all to Him. Take the first step everything you do to honor Him He will honor.
John
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